I came to the point that after much turbulence and fear and crying I no longer remember what it was like to dream, to care, to hope. I became numb, my body has it’s schedule and I’m still existing but I’m not happy. I smile and laugh a lot actually but it’s because the situation demands it. I became adjusted. I can smile widely and the next second my face became lifeless. I don’t feel much, mostly fatigue and duty and sometimes just relief. That’s probably due to my medication but this is probably the only way I can survive my life right now.
I’m sorry to say this but tumblr became tiring, scrolling down through all of those detached from real life posts is tiring for me, choosing what to post became impossible task.
I’m so sorry to all those wonderful people I met here but focusing on living through next day and it’s neverending problems (mostly work related) is everything I can manage right now. Whining doesn’t change anything and doesn’t help much either, plus no-one likes people that whines everythime - this is a lesson I learned very well in my life.
To sum up I wanted to tell you all - I’m fine. Not happy but all right. I will go through this, I will manage, and maybe one day I’ll find my lost dreams and hope and I’ll start thinking about future again.
But not now. Now I don’t have the strenght.
Thank you my lovelies - you were a world to me. A wonderful world of dreams that I have to let go.